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Step Back & Move Forward

Sometimes in life you are presented with analogies and concepts that don’t seem to make sense when you first hear or see it. It makes you question how exactly this idea can be possible to put into practise. This recently happened to me while attending a wonderful ladies night only zoom meeting. It was dealing with the subject of ‘Adversity’. The main speaker Hyacinth J Myers addressed some very good points to help deal with adversities in our lives. She also mentioned various ways Adversity can present itself. From what she said I was very encouraged and informed about how emotions can work in our bodies in relation to the ‘90 second rule’. This concept the ‘90 second rule’ was started by Jill Bolte Taylor, a neuroanatomist (a brain scientist). The rule is based on the idea that emotions only last in our body for 90 seconds when we initially experience it physically and chemically. Anything longer than that has been a personal mental choice to hold on to that emotion.

This really had me thinking about a recent situation I had faced that brought up feelings of deep hurt and pain. This pain really affected how I looked at the person that caused it and how I was looking at the future. It affected my day and took a hold of me in a very negative way. While going through this I spoke to a trusted church sister and her advice resonated with me as well. She said, “get the frustration, anger and hurt out and move on focus that hurt, anger and frustration into your prayers.”

Anger Piece by Nims Falana for Mariposa Blessings

At the time when she told me this, I knew she was right but could not get rid of the deep hurt and pain. However now being aware of the 90 second rule I had to really stop and think about what was being said to me. My mind was being fortified and edified, but I could not quite understand what it was formulating at first. I just wrote down my thoughts and my feelings. Then the next day while on day 9 of my 28-day challenge (I’ll explain that another time), I had a light bulb, ‘ding’ moment. It came to me I had to step back and move forward. Yeah, I can hear you now saying, ‘thought she was supposed to be a teacher. How can you step back and move forward at the same time?’


“As my sufferings mounted, I soon realized that there were two ways in which I could respond to my situation – either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course.”

Martin Luther King Jr

Well let me explain….

Situations that involve adversity are always going to happen in your life. We cannot hide from or avoid them. Yet we have the power to face and handle them with a renewed strength. This strength allows you to experience the 90 seconds of an adverse emotion and step back physically from it. Meaning removing ourselves when possible from the cause of it. This then in turn helps you to mentally take a major step forward in how you see and handle the situation. Wow, what an amazing concept. Now, I cannot leave it there because for me this strength or power to take the step back for me comes from my heavenly father.


‘I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.’

-Philippians 4:13 (NKJV)

This strength also comes from knowing who is in your support network. Sometimes that might mean looking outside of what is familiar to you. I say this because over the years I have realised that my support network has come in all shapes and sizes. God has blessed me with a husband and children that always have my back. He has led me to friends (that I now call family) from a variety of places that have continually held me up when I was too weak to do it myself.

‘A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.’ –Proverbs 17:17 (NKJV)

When that has been worked on and put in place or put into practise, you’ll be surprised at how much strength you will gain to deal with the adversity you inevitably will face. I’m not saying that it is easy to do and that you will get over it after those 90 seconds have been experienced. However, a Yoruba Proverb says ‘Agbò tó tàdé méyin, agbára ló lo múwá.’ Meaning that ‘A ram that reverses has done so to draw strength.’

I am encouraging you to utilise the strength and support network God has and will give you to physically step back. So that you can look at your situation with a renewed vision that’ll help you to move forward.


“To bring about change, you must not be afraid to take the step. We fail when we fail to try.”

-Rosa Parks


Optimistic by Sounds of Blackness


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